Unapologetic.

I KNOW. I KNOW.

I said I was going to write a review on Tyler Oakley's book almost two weeks ago... And then life got in the way. And I got kinda sidetracked. And then I realized I'm horrible at writing reviews. I mean, I should've known a review wouldn't come out too good when it takes me three or four edits to write a decent research paper. I'm a great English major. 

I mean, I guess this is kind of a review since there's quotes and advice from Tyler's book. But I'm not gonna really get into it because I want you to buy his book. It's raunchy, it talks about buttholes*, and he is unapologetically himself through the entire book.

* My computer keeps trying to autocorrect "butthole" to "

buttonholes" and I want you guys to laugh at that like I am, 

so there's an insight to my blogging experience currently.

“I was taught that being myself was not only okay, but encouraged - and by being unapologetically yourself, you thrive and inspire others to thrive.” 

This is the quote that made me absolutely fall in love with Tyler (Well, Ok, even more than I already am). I had to sit there and put the book down for a second and just kinda think about my career choice. It was at that moment I realized I wasn't blogging the way I knew how to -- I was trying to please a tiny percentage of my blog audience by censoring myself, or not posting about topics I knew they wouldn't agree on or want to read. Honestly there's maybe three people tops who don't like the way I blog because of my swearing, or wanting to talk about "sensitive" topics... So why the fuck am I trying not to write in my own voice? Who CARES about those three people? I honestly think my blog has been suffering because I've been trying to create a "new" version of myself and my writing... And honestly, it doesn't work. You can't please everyone! So if people aren't going to like you, or what you have to say/write, let them dislike the real you. I may swear a lot, or talk about pooping or sex or pervy things, but that's who I am. And I am not apologizing for it anymore.

“Sometimes doing what's right for your conscience is not always the most popular decision, but I can guarantee that in retrospect you won't regret the choice you made.” 

I don't have much to say about this quote except... It's so true. It kind of goes hand and hand with being myself, especially with this blog. I dropped out of school for two years to discover myself and to really figure out what I wanted to do with my life, and I don't think that's something people understand unless they've been through it themselves also. I know I talk about it all the time but taking time for yourself and being selfish is never a bad thing. You cannot be happy or successful with anything else in life, whether it be a career or a relationship, unless you are content and confident with yourself.

“No person, no matter how important society deems their relationship to you, has the right to denounce you for who you are.” 

One thing I never really talked until recently is the fact that my Mom and I don't have a relationship. Now that I no longer live with her and I've gotten older we can hold a conversation without yelling at each other or having things thrown across the house but I truly don't believe we will ever have that "Mother/daughter/best friend" bond that most girls get with their Moms. I'm not going to bash my mother on my blog because I honestly have no need to, but unless you have a strained relationship with a parent it's just something extremely hard to understand. This quote was the one and only time the whole book I cried out of sadness, because it's about Tyler's relationship with his Dad. Our circumstances are far more different, but it was nice to read of someone who I look up to and admire and respect that had put my feelings of guilt into words. Nobody has to tell you to have a relationship with your parent -- just because they gave birth to you doesn't mean they are your parent. It takes more than giving life to be a parent. This is something I've always wanted to talk about on the blog but have never really had the guts to do but I think knowing Tyler put his relationship with his Dad out in the open in his book I will write about it, and soon. It's such an important topic for people to understand or realize that they aren't alone. I never asked to have such a strained relationship with my mother, but it happened, and I live everyday knowing that we aren't that close. And trust me, it fucking sucks. No kid who has a shitty relationship with their parent has ever asked for it. We also don't want to hear "But they're your only parent"... Just. No. But I will get into that another time.

*******

Tyler's book is incredible. It takes you on an adventure of his life from the beginning throughout his amazing Youtube career. Putting yourself out on the internet is absolutely terrifying. When you're a YouTuber you can edit out the bits and pieces you don't want your viewers to see, but writing a book you are exposing yourself completely. Something about writing makes me braver; it gives me a voice I would never have the nerve to use out loud, and I saw that through each page of Binge. If you need a good laugh and a good cry all in one day, I truly recommend you stopping by any store that sells books and pick up a copy.

I'll leave you guys with this one last quote to prove that Binge isn't all serious business... Something that will hopefully make you laugh out and loud. We all need some laughter in our lives, right?

“Over my lifetime, I've had an interesting relationship with poop...the rectum is a grand thing. My favorite thing about the human body is that we're all basically doughnuts.” 

*******

Find Tyler on social media, I promise you won't regret it :)

Youtube

Twitter

Buy his book

On Love.

I know I'm only twenty-three but throughout these short years I've learned some valuable life lessons; many of them stemming from the relationships I've been in... I met my first boyfriend my freshmen year of high school; but we don't talk about him or anything about that relationship. I dated my childhood best friend throughout the tail end of high school. And then I lucked out at meeting Ryan when I was eighteen in my first year of college. My past boyfriends, while trying to be being polite, have been quite the cast of characters. Every relationship is different and every person you give a piece of your heart to is going to treat you differently, whether that is a good thing or not. Even with friendships -- you will have the friend who expects everything of you while also having the friend you only talk to every six months, but both of them still hold the same amount of importance in your life.

I have a few friends who are going through a hard time right now with their love life and it's extremely hard to tell someone in the middle of what seems to be the worst pain of their life that it does get better. Coming from someone who has loved fiercely and lost profoundly more than once, I know that love is amazing but it's also terrifying. Love, when you find the right person, is the most incredible thing you could share with somebody.

So this is for you, my friends, who feel as though love isn't worth it. Here are nine important lessons I have learned over the years that I truly believe you should always keep in mind.

1. The cliche that you must love yourself before loving anybody else is the truest thing in the whole world. You cannot give someone your heart fully if your mind is full of self-doubt. 
I used to laugh at this; I was always the girl throwing the pity party and begging for attention. I was convinced the universe was out to get me, and in return it reflected into my relationships. I picked fights because I would get easily angered over nothing, I would need to know constantly where he was or who he was with -- I had no confidence in myself so I was always concerned of him finding someone different. As I've gotten older I have come to accept myself for who I am. I am easily angered, I do have random strikes of anxiety, but it doesn't make me any less of a person. When you can love yourself and appreciate even the tiniest of flaws in yourself, you can accept the flaws in your partner.

2. You cannot, cannot fix someone.
Yes, nobody is perfect. We all have those "quirks" others will not like. However, sometimes people are so insecure in themselves that they must destroy everyone around them. I tried for an extremely long time in both of my previous relationships to fix them; to shine light on their insecurities. Not to lessen their self worth but to show them that in order to give all of their heart to someone else they must be able to overcome their own demons. This goes back to number one: You cannot fix someone, they must fix themselves. If you're struggling, whether it's a mental battle, or a physical battle -- get help. There's nothing wrong with that. And if someone tells you to get help, they aren't belting you; it's because they care.

3. It's OK to leave if you aren't happy. It's especially OK to leave if you aren't safe.
Sometimes people won't see exactly why you're leaving, but it's OK to be selfish and end a relationship if you are no longer happy. Your happiness is just that -- YOURS. There's a catch to this though: Don't go out looking for a replacement while you're still in a relationship. If you are not happy do not lead somebody on... I've been in that position and it hurts more in the long run knowing that your relationship was full of empty words and empty promises for months than if it just... ends. Here's probably the most important thing I'm going to say this entire post: If you are in any sort of abusive relationship, it is OK to leave. You will be safe. You didn't deserve any of that to happen to you. You didn't ask for it. You are not going to be looked down upon for staying. But it is ABSOLUTELY ALRIGHT to get out. Abusers don't need you to help them get better. They need to be able to do it on their own. My very first relationship I still don't talk about very much. I was fourteen, I was convinced I was in love. I thought love meant my boyfriend following me home, or having his friends follow me home. I thought it meant I had to let him know every little thing I was doing. Him picking out my clothes was cute. Picking him to hang out with over every one of my friends was being in love. He only hit me a few times, but it happens... Right? I cannot stress this enough: Your safety will always, always come first. If they threaten to kill themselves -- they probably won't. It's a scare tactic; one that kept in a relationship years longer than I wanted to be. Do not let somebody else's misery become yours; do not let them someone make you feel worthless.

4. Love should be about sharing happiness, sharing moments, and becoming better people together. Love is not about one person being completely dominant while the other withers into nothingness.
One of the biggest things that happens while we are in love is we tend to lose ourselves. We become so consumed in the people we love that sometimes we make sacrifices in our own, separate lives to please our partners -- this is not alright. It's one thing to experience new things and have new interests when we meet someone, that is normal. I would never have known I enjoyed music if it wasn't for an ex, or realized I actually enjoyed being in the wilderness if it wasn't for Ryan. But I still have my own thoughts, my own feelings; there are things Ryan and I disagree on. Before, I decided that being miserable and wanting to live with my boyfriend at fifteen was a great idea; I believed in God; I thought Obama was a bad president... All things my boyfriend's had convinced me to believe in because they wanted a girlfriend who molded their idea of the "perfect girl". They did not accept me for who I was, for my own interests, my own opinions. I was not my own person. I couldn't have my own thoughts; hell, I couldn't even have my own feelings without being chastised for them. Do not lose sight of what you believe in for somebody else. You can learn new things about yourself without having to give up your own hobbies, feelings, or beliefs.

5. Not every relationship needs to be the attempt at Happily Ever After. You need to live in the here and now. Planning out your entire future is going to result in disappointment -- every time.
It doesn't matter if you're 18, 25, 30, 50... You cannot look at someone you are dating and hoping they are the one. Not going to lie, I would love to look into a crystal ball and see who I marry, when I get married, and when; I mean who wouldn't? But here's the thing: You can't focus all of your attention on the future. It will absolutely ruin your relationship. Thinking of the far away future puts an absurd amount of pressure on a relationship; pressure that isn't needed along with the everyday worries of life. Another cliche: Just go with the flow. Don't worry about if the person you're with is your soulmate -- enjoy your time together and the memories you are making. And if you're still together fifty years from now, you have fifty years of memories together.

6. Every relationship has meaning in your life.
This was something that was incredibly hard for me to comprehend. It's especially hard to understand why you were with someone if it was an unhealthy relationship or if you were cheated on. Here's the thing: Everything does happen for a reason. You learn from absolutely everything in life, even when those life lessons seem unfair at the time. When you're in an unhealthy relationship, you look back on everything that you had dealt with and gone through and realize your own self worth. You begin to realize what you deserve and want in a partner. Honestly I don't think I would be as strong willed and determined to do amazing things in life if I hadn't been in the relationship I was in. Being constantly told you aren't good enough or not smart enough to achieve your dreams by someone you are in love with is a hard pill to swallow, but years later I realize those words no longer hold me back but push me forward to achieve what is considered impossible.

7. Moving on is acceptable, especially because it is totally possible to be in love more than once.
I will fully admit as much as my last relationship was a little wanky, I was very in love with my ex. We were together during the "big" moments of your teenage years: proms, graduations, starting college. We were together during the years where you really begin to learn who you are as a person and what you want to make of your future... Which is why we didn't end up being together forever. My love for him is absolutely nothing in comparison to the love I have for Ryan now -- it almost makes me laugh that I even say I was "in love" before. But that's the thing: There are different types of love, and different ways to love. He was the high school love, where I'm glad I got to share my memories of graduation and high school summers with him, even if I wasn't always my happiest. Ryan is someone I see myself moving in with and spending (hopefully) the rest of my life with. I was young and still learning when I was with my ex; now I know what I want to do with my life and who I want by my side through all of my trials and tribulations. You may have thought that someone was your forever and it didn't work out. But it's OK to move on and be happy with somebody else. It's perfectly normal to always hope for the best for someone you shared time with, but making yourself happy should be your top priority.

8. Love should be easy, and love should be motivating.
When you find your person, working at your relationship will be extremely easy. Obviously there will be fighting matches, nights one of you sleeps on the couch, days where you want nothing to do with each other... But at the end of the day you fall back into each other like the fighting was nonexistent. Relationship always need work but you will know when you find the one. You won't think of your ex anymore, you won't wish your past was your present, you find yourself thinking of your significant other in the busiest of moments... Love shouldn't be a battle, it shouldn't be one sided, and it absolutely should make you see the beautiful things in absolutely everything. Love should motivate you to make other people around you -- when you have found true, indescribable love you become one of those people who start to get annoying when they talk about their relationship (I can be one of these people sometimes, sorry!). You know, the people who find the good in the crappy situations, who try to play matchmaker with their single friends, who start to see the warning signs in their friends current relationships. When you find the right person you start to become your true self.

----

“Love is not a because, it's a no matter what.” 

Jodi Picoult, Second Glance

Never Settle.

I had a professor last semester who told me to never settle; advice given after spilling my innermost fear of the fact that I will more than likely never have the dream job I desire to her. She told me she never saw herself as a college professor because of her early years as an undergrad where she didn't know who she was or what she wanted out of life. A feeling every person in their 20's (at least) feels. I've had multiple customers at my job who are many years into their careers tell me to do what I love because I will never regret waking up in the morning thinking of all the days of my job I have ahead of me.

I've talked about this before but I'll say it again: Knowing what you want out of life, regardless how big or small, is a liberating feeling. There is nothing more terrifying than not knowing what you want out of your life; it feels like an identity crisis. I was in school for teaching, then almost took a swing at nursing (Where my lack of math skills probably would've killed someone honestly), to thinking of early education, to finally letting go of the idea of making tons of money and settling finalizing on a writing major. 

Settling.

That's what I used to say. But why should we "settle" on a major? If it was something I could see myself doing for the rest of my life I should be saying I'm excited, passionate and proud of what I decided to spend thousands of dollars on for a degree that will map out my future career path. Settling was how I felt at first -- I had always been a gifted writer even if I didn't feel that way but many of my teachers all throughout my schooling had told me so, as time went on I realized I was no longer settling on a career but was truly excited and proud to talk about what I wanted to do with my life.

Settling.

It can be our careers. We go for what brings in the money as we chose to ignore our true passions. We push aside happiness for the large checks. We drag our feet to work everyday watching the clock tick closer to punching out and landing on our couches. It can be love. We stay with people that we convince ourselves we love because it's comfortable. Even if we know the relationship isn't going to last. Again, we push aside happiness for what we understand because the unknown is terrifying. It can be our health. We know we need to fix our mentality, or even our physicality, but don't. We just settle towards the idea "it is what it is" because the effort doesn't seem worth it.

Trust me. It is never worth it to settle for anything less than what our innermost conscious tells us. Don't ignore the tugging at your heart telling you to go after what you absolute desire. 

I was afraid from the minute I graduated high school and went to my first college class to major in writing. I had people tell me "You don't need a degree to tell you that you're an excellent writer." I never once thought I could make a living off of my writing up until a year ago when I realized all my life all I've ever wanted to do was write. When I sit back and think about what I see myself doing in ten years, it's exactly this. It's obsessing over my blogging notebook, writing new ideas down on pieces of napkins at the bar, writing a spur of the moment post like this one. It's finding inspiration in the tiniest things going on in the world around me and no longer feeling ashamed of putting my writing out there.

Don't settle on anything just because you are afraid to take risks. If you tried and failed, you actually succeeded. At the end of the day, the biggest risk you take could turn your entire life around. It did for me.

I'll also leave you with a fun fact: My very first college class at Massasoit was Writing Comprehension.

Farewell but Hello.

Here's the thing about blogging: Regardless of what kind of blog you run, whether it's fashion, food, or personal, you are putting a piece of your innermost self out on the internet. And the internet is a scary fucking place to be. And that is exactly why I stopped blogging since March; because I cared too much what people would think of my opinions. Whether I was blogging about the insane events that have been happening in our world, or about nothing in particular, or something personal, I was afraid of what would be said. I mean, I know deep down inside if someone doesn't like what I have to write they would probably hide me from their newsfeeds and not read my blog, but what would happen if I had that one person who would have something to say, regardless if it wasn't a comment on my blog but a status, or a tweet, or whatever? I got so wrapped up in the idea of failing that I did exactly that -- I failed myself by getting too anxious to post, thus letting my blog sit and collect dust.

Over the past few weeks I have began to come around and talk to some people about my blog. I'm a writing major in college. I'm used to the side glances and the "What are you going to do with that?" question. I'm used to the "You could get this job and this job and this job" that has nothing to do with writing, but is still a full-time job. And I realized that unless I get over my fears of pissing someone off with my own thoughts, I would have to settle for a HR job that pays you to edit some big corporate Douchebags e-mails and get no credit for it. Yaaaaaaa, no thank you. I've said it a few times already, but money isn't worth my happiness.

This summer may have been one of the best summers of my life. And I feel like I say that every year, but when I sit and reflect on the past month in itself, I realize that patience and a positive attitude will truly help piece your life together. These past couple years were hard for me, and it goes without saying a lot of that had to do with the people I was surrounded with (Whether I wanted to be surrounded by those people is a mute point, but it has to be said). I had extremely low self-esteem, I felt like all my relationships were crumbling, my anxiety was so bad I was at the point where I was distancing myself from people because I had convinced myself nobody wanted to deal with a giant ball of emotions that was myself. If I didn't even want to be in my own presence, why would my friends be? I let myself get lost in my own emotions, and it was hard for awhile. But while I was in my own world of anxiety and hatred, I had friends who pushed through and never judged me for constantly crying over the same stupid people, who would always answer a text or a phone call almost instantly when I needed them, and who I know will probably be standing next to me on my someday wedding day -- people who not even two months ago I thought I would be this close to.

Because of them,  I woke up one day and decided that even though I do have some issues with my brain, I can't those issues control my entire life. Why not be able to joke about it? It's true what they say, if you can't laugh at yourself you can't laugh at anything. I realized that it's OK to get upset, and it's OK to need time to yourself after a long day of socializing, and it's OK to admit that although it may not be completely normal, it's my reality, and nobody that actually cares about you is going to judge you for needing some time to yourself, or laugh when you get upset over something irrational. Anyone that knows me well knows that the smallest of things can set me off, whether it's tears or a yelling match. And it's not something I ever talked about openly, until now, because my mental health had a lot to do with why I stopped blogging.

It's scary to think about how I let people control my self worth the way I did. I stopped blogging because I knew that people would think me posting about anything, really, was a way for me to seek attention. Because honestly, that's what we writers are -- attention seekers. We are begging you to listen to our voices, to read our words, to pay attention to our opinions. But for whatever reason I decided my voice wasn't important enough; I was convinced my dream of getting paid to write my blog or travel the world with my Best Seller was a pipe dream, and I was giving up. Don't let anyone, ever, let you give up on your dreams. Because if they are destroying your self-image, they are not a good person to be in your life.

 Regardless if you have any control over negative people in your life, it is possible to surround yourself with better, supportive people. People who WILL be there for your crazy dreams, who will tell you that everything works itself out, who will see the good side of you when other people are trying so hard to tear you down. There will always be those people in your life, but if you surround yourself with great friends, you will start to see yourself in a whole new light. You will remember the person you were before -- you will climb out of the hole that is your destroyed self-confidence.

This summer was eye opening for me. I realized that life is fucking hard, and it will test your limits, but if you get up and dust the dirt off, you will rise back to your old self. Instead, your new self will be an even better, more determined, happier version of your old self. There are still days where I'm waiting for the ball to drop and have everything go to shit once again, but mostly I know that very slowly, everything is falling into place. Just like when everything was shitty and hard, if you're patient and positive, your life will fall into place. And it always happens when you aren't even looking.

Farwell, 2015. But Hello to a new happy, peaceful life.

And here's a few snaps from 2015 that I think made me realize how wonderful life is :)

2015.

I knowwww... Go head and groan at another new years post... I am sorry. Well, not really. Sounds good though, right? Or you could, you know, not read this. Either way, I am jumping on the bandwagon of reminiscing about the past twelve months.

2014 was interesting. It wasn't the best year of my life (2010 still holds that record) but it also wasn't absolutely horrendous (I haven't given any year that title so far). It was just simply interesting. I had a horrible start to the year, but then I realized that I survived the hardest tribulation of my life for a second time, so the next eleven months could only go up from there. And they definitely did. I learned SO much about myself, the world, and life throughout the year. I honestly went into 2014 thinking I finally had found a year I could deem "The Worst Year Ever" but I decided the first week of January I had to stop being so damn pessimistic, and then began to try really fucking hard to make the best out of any situation thrown my way. And I am so glad I did.

I watched Ryan's Dad and step-mom get married (finally!!!) in January. I went on an anniversary getaway weekend in March. I blacked-out with my cousin at a townie bar, and got kicked out at last call for the first (and probably last) time ever. I almost went to nursing school (HAHA). I gained new best friends. Ryan passed his firefighter exams. I got to dance in a recital at my old dance studio. I got to attend three Red Sox games, one of them being Opening Day, and another being Derek Jeter's last game ever. I spent a week on Brant Rock with my family and friends, and the majority of the summer on Cape. I turned 22 at Fenway, too. I read 57 books all year. Some of my favorite books were adapted in incredible movies. I saw some of my favorite Youtube personales (and idols) at a live comedy show in second row. I went to a concert with some of the best people in the world (While also slicing my foot open in the parking lot). Old friendships were rekindled. I celebrated the holidays with my best friends and family by my side. I decided to go back to school in January. I decided to do what I love.

On the flip side, 2014 had it's drawbacks. Although I do not want to focus on them too much, hardships in life teach us to be ever more grateful for every minute we live.

I sat through a trial the first week of January, and I lost. One of the first mentors I had, Mr. Jack Scanlan, passed away. My best friend from elementary school told me to never speak to him ever again because he got engaged. I watched some of my best friends lose loved ones. I went a few months completely isolating myself from the real world caused by crippling self-doubt that I had obtained. I started to believe that I was going nowhere in life, and began to think that life was pointless.

Then I started to think of all the things I had accomplished, or witnessed, or experienced throughout the year, and what would come about as 2014 continued on. I started to realize that I had already been dealt some crazy cards in my lifetime, and although there would be more hands I would lose in the poker game that is called life, I would survive. I may feel as though life is too hard, or not worth it, or feel like a complete failure in my goals, but life goes on. Even if I died tomorrow, I have seen more of the world than some people ever will, I have received love that others dream of, and I have been given the greatest support system that others dream of having.

Life is interesting, and it always will be this big, interesting, confusing poker game.

(Now here is a plethora of photos from my favorite moments of 2014):

Do I have any resolutions? Not really, no. I am horrible at keeping up with remembering what I even said I would try to accomplish in 2015. And to be totally honest, twelve months is a reaaaaally long time. You don't know what could happen to you tomorrow, what could change the course of your life. So trying to make a resolution into the unknown of the new year is daunting to me. Instead, I am going to make a Moments Jar... So instead of writing down resolutions I am going to write down moments from 2015 I hope to never forget. And whenever I'm having a rough day, or feel as though I'm wasting away the year, I'm going to read my Moments. And on New Years a year from now, I will reread them all. And hopefully write another positive blog post.

Here's to you, 2015. I am excited to see what the next twelve months bring to me, my family, and my friends. I know hardships will be inevitable. School will be horrifying. My life is going through some big changes in 2015. I would be lying if I said I wasn't absolutely terrified. That's life, though. A crazy, interesting, explainable journey.

Now buckle up, because 2015 is ready for you.

xoxo

Why It's OK to NOT Be OK.

First off, let me just say I am

so.

frustratedly.

uninspired.


I have five drafts saved on my laptop of halfway finished posts. I have another two post ideas which are just titles. Lately I just haven't really had the mindset to share my thoughts and words online. Mostly because my brain has been all over the place. Which, admittedly,  results in some of my best writing. However, my best writing isn't always something I want to share with people.

Today though is one of those days where you wake up and just know the entire day is going to be crap. Given, I'm not the most optimistic person even on the best of days, but I knew the second my alarm went off today was just gonna be one of Those Days. Naturally, it's been one of those days because I believed that it would be. Maybe if I woke up every morning and thought "I'm gonna kick today's ass no matter what!" I wouldn't have these days. However, nobody is perfect. People have bad days.

Which is why I'm here, as someone who has Those Days at least three times a week, to tell you that there is absolutely nothing wrong in admitting you are not OK.

There is nothing wrong with telling yourself, or the people around you, you are having a bad day. Or a bad life. Or admitting we do not meet the requirements that society has coined as perfection.

Last time I checked, nobody is perfect. Celebrities have (verrrryyy public) mental breakdowns because society plasters their "Perfect life" all over the place. That's quite the pedestal to be put on, if you think about it. Imagine having every time you step out of the house, or text someone, post an Instagram, ending in countless magazines, television screens and radio talk shows. Celebrities can have the money, I'll take my everyday life privacy.

As a result of the media constantly selling Perfection, we as normal, everyday beings, begin to think that having a handful of flaws is suddenly a bad thing. Let me repeat:

IT IS NOT A BAD THING TO BE IMPERFECT. ACTUALLY, IT'S FUCKING NORMAL.

There are people in the world out there who are going to think that the sun shines out of their ass, and that's OK. Because you will ignore those people. They are the people who are the reason the media is still around, tearing down celebrities for every last little thing they do in life. The people out there who think they are Perfect usually have the car, the money, the friends, the "Life", but at the end of the night they are not truly happy.

Which do you chose: Perfection, or Happiness?

Let's play a game, quick.

Think back to the last time you felt like not getting out of bed because the World just didn't seem worth it. You knew that you were stuck in a rut. You began to realize the people around you were not changing. You had the same routine day in, and day out. You felt like you were in a losing battle with yourself. You felt as thought you aren't good enough. You aren't where you want to be in your career, or you definitely aren't anywhere near where you thought you'd be at this age as a child. Think of all the things you planned to do in 2014 as a Bucket List, but never completed.

Take a second to think about the last time you just hid under your covers and cried all day to let go of all the negative energy. Think about the last time you saw a Facebook status that hit you in the gut, or a photo on Instagram that made you feel less about yourself. Think about the drive to work when you wonder "Will my job ever get better?" or "Will I ever not have to drag myself out the door to leave for work?" Think about all the times you have laid in your bed feeling sorry for yourself.

Now take a second to try to remember the last time you admitted that to someone, besides a significant other, or a family member, or a close friend.

Exactly.

You probably didn't tell anybody besides the two or three people in your life that you trust not to judge you. The people who wouldn't use your imperfections against you. You hid your breakdown from the world because then you would be admitting you aren't perfect.

Ready for the next part of the game?
It's secret telling time.

I had a breakdown today, at about 1:15 in the afternoon. I cried. I thought about how shitty my life can be. I thought about every bad thing that has happened to me in the past year, the bad things that will continue to happen to me. I felt sorry for myself. I let all the horrible things I have been said about me, whether online, or to my face, even years ago, take over my mind. I let myself feel like the worst waste of skin and bones this world has ever created. I cried so much I felt sick.

Are you still reading? Or have you run away from the Imperfections I admitted to you?

Now let's go to part three of the game.
It's time to admit you've probably felt like I did today at least once this year.
You probably had a day where all you did was feel horrible. And cry. And think there was nobody else worse in the world than you.

(And if you haven't felt like that: See that X box in the upper right hand corner of my blog? Please leave, because you are one of those people who thinks the sun shines out of their ass, and you're probably the reason people feel like shit sometimes.)

It's normal to have these days. In fact, I truly believe they are healthy.

After I let all the tears free of my body, let heart rate slow back to normal, I thought to myself "OK. Just breathe. It will be alright. It's OK to feel like this. It's OK to have emotions. It's OK to NOT be OK".

I rolled over, grabbed my laptop, and started writing this post. Instead of feeling bad for myself the rest of the day I thought that maybe this one time posting something I wrote in the middle of an emotionally exhausting day would help someone. No filters, not embarrassment. Just me, my laptop, my feelings, my words. And you.

I truly don't understand why people don't talk about things when it comes to our mental stability. It's almost like it's taboo to admit that we may not all have perfectly functioning brains. Why when we hear words like "Bipolar" or "Anxiety" we instantly think of horrible people with horrible intentions; most people think of someone locked up in a mental hospital in a straight jacket.

Trust me, it is far from that. Most people who struggle everyday you probably would never had guessed that getting out of bed is hard for them every single day. On the flip side, people who struggle with mental disorders aren't walking around with a neon sign on their forehead saying that life is sometimes fucking hard.

Nobody is, really. Because we are supposed to be perfect.

I guess the whole point of this post to make people realize that none of us are perfect. We all have flaws. We may not have to talk about them so openly (I'll admit that I have plentyyyy of flaws that I'm not yet ready to divulge into on the blog. Maybe someday) but we need to recognize and respect that idea. Instead of taking advantage of each other's imperfections, why can't we celebrate them?

Please, please remember that it's OK to not be OK. 

We all have those days where we feel like the world is shutting every door in our faces, but that only means another door will open soon. We all have felt as though everything you have done in life means absolutely nothing as we watch our lives crumble. That just means you need to dig yourself out of the rubble and rebuild.

You can rebuild. I have before, and I will do it again.

Today I feel as though my world is burying me alive but I know that once I find my tools to dig myself out of this slump, I will emerge feeling as though I could conquer the whole entire Universe. Today just sin't that day, and that is OK. I got a tattoo in January that reads "Unbreakable" with the symbol for Female above it. And days where I feel so awful, I just think about that tattoo, and why I got it, and remember that the world can't break me.

And if you ever want to talk, about anything, message me. Comment on this post. Reach out, ask for help. I know that's not easy because I rarely, if ever, ask for help. But I promise, reaching out is one of the best things you can do. I may not have expert advice, but sometimes you don't need the advice, you just need someone to listen.

You are far from perfect, but that's the best thing about you.