Unapologetic.

I KNOW. I KNOW.

I said I was going to write a review on Tyler Oakley's book almost two weeks ago... And then life got in the way. And I got kinda sidetracked. And then I realized I'm horrible at writing reviews. I mean, I should've known a review wouldn't come out too good when it takes me three or four edits to write a decent research paper. I'm a great English major. 

I mean, I guess this is kind of a review since there's quotes and advice from Tyler's book. But I'm not gonna really get into it because I want you to buy his book. It's raunchy, it talks about buttholes*, and he is unapologetically himself through the entire book.

* My computer keeps trying to autocorrect "butthole" to "

buttonholes" and I want you guys to laugh at that like I am, 

so there's an insight to my blogging experience currently.

“I was taught that being myself was not only okay, but encouraged - and by being unapologetically yourself, you thrive and inspire others to thrive.” 

This is the quote that made me absolutely fall in love with Tyler (Well, Ok, even more than I already am). I had to sit there and put the book down for a second and just kinda think about my career choice. It was at that moment I realized I wasn't blogging the way I knew how to -- I was trying to please a tiny percentage of my blog audience by censoring myself, or not posting about topics I knew they wouldn't agree on or want to read. Honestly there's maybe three people tops who don't like the way I blog because of my swearing, or wanting to talk about "sensitive" topics... So why the fuck am I trying not to write in my own voice? Who CARES about those three people? I honestly think my blog has been suffering because I've been trying to create a "new" version of myself and my writing... And honestly, it doesn't work. You can't please everyone! So if people aren't going to like you, or what you have to say/write, let them dislike the real you. I may swear a lot, or talk about pooping or sex or pervy things, but that's who I am. And I am not apologizing for it anymore.

“Sometimes doing what's right for your conscience is not always the most popular decision, but I can guarantee that in retrospect you won't regret the choice you made.” 

I don't have much to say about this quote except... It's so true. It kind of goes hand and hand with being myself, especially with this blog. I dropped out of school for two years to discover myself and to really figure out what I wanted to do with my life, and I don't think that's something people understand unless they've been through it themselves also. I know I talk about it all the time but taking time for yourself and being selfish is never a bad thing. You cannot be happy or successful with anything else in life, whether it be a career or a relationship, unless you are content and confident with yourself.

“No person, no matter how important society deems their relationship to you, has the right to denounce you for who you are.” 

One thing I never really talked until recently is the fact that my Mom and I don't have a relationship. Now that I no longer live with her and I've gotten older we can hold a conversation without yelling at each other or having things thrown across the house but I truly don't believe we will ever have that "Mother/daughter/best friend" bond that most girls get with their Moms. I'm not going to bash my mother on my blog because I honestly have no need to, but unless you have a strained relationship with a parent it's just something extremely hard to understand. This quote was the one and only time the whole book I cried out of sadness, because it's about Tyler's relationship with his Dad. Our circumstances are far more different, but it was nice to read of someone who I look up to and admire and respect that had put my feelings of guilt into words. Nobody has to tell you to have a relationship with your parent -- just because they gave birth to you doesn't mean they are your parent. It takes more than giving life to be a parent. This is something I've always wanted to talk about on the blog but have never really had the guts to do but I think knowing Tyler put his relationship with his Dad out in the open in his book I will write about it, and soon. It's such an important topic for people to understand or realize that they aren't alone. I never asked to have such a strained relationship with my mother, but it happened, and I live everyday knowing that we aren't that close. And trust me, it fucking sucks. No kid who has a shitty relationship with their parent has ever asked for it. We also don't want to hear "But they're your only parent"... Just. No. But I will get into that another time.

*******

Tyler's book is incredible. It takes you on an adventure of his life from the beginning throughout his amazing Youtube career. Putting yourself out on the internet is absolutely terrifying. When you're a YouTuber you can edit out the bits and pieces you don't want your viewers to see, but writing a book you are exposing yourself completely. Something about writing makes me braver; it gives me a voice I would never have the nerve to use out loud, and I saw that through each page of Binge. If you need a good laugh and a good cry all in one day, I truly recommend you stopping by any store that sells books and pick up a copy.

I'll leave you guys with this one last quote to prove that Binge isn't all serious business... Something that will hopefully make you laugh out and loud. We all need some laughter in our lives, right?

“Over my lifetime, I've had an interesting relationship with poop...the rectum is a grand thing. My favorite thing about the human body is that we're all basically doughnuts.” 

*******

Find Tyler on social media, I promise you won't regret it :)

Youtube

Twitter

Buy his book

Dear People.

Now that the dust has settled on the internet about Nicole Arbor, I'm about to stir the pot and bring her up again. I didn't want to even give her the attention by posting about her on my blog but while in the shower this morning I began to get extremely upset about her video, and the general response to it. I honestly feel as though she posted that video to get her fifteen minutes of fame, and holy shit was she successful.

Incase you live under a rock, or aren't as internet crazy as most people me.. Here is her video in which blew up the internet last week:

Are you pissed yet?

No?

Rewatch it.

Still not pissed?

Do not read further.

When I first started seeing the Tweets and comments from other Youtubers about loving yourself and having a bad sense of humor not meaning success I had no idea what was going on. And then Tyler Oakley just straight tagged Nicole on Twitter about this video and I decided to see what the uproar was. To be honest I started the video laughing because I admit, I have the sense of humor of a ten year old boy. But the second her video started with "I already made a bunch of people mad" (Or something, because I refuse to watch her video a third time) I knew I got myself int some deep shit, and I knew I was going to be pissed. What I felt, however, after I stupidly gave her another view on her video was not what I expected.

Pissed? Not even a little.
Disgusted. Hurt. Horrified. 

You don't need to be what society considers "fat" to talk about your weight. If you talked to a doctor they would tell you I'm not "fat", nor even close to "obese". Here's my question though:

Why the FUCK is "fat" a negative word? 
It's an adjective. 
It's not a curse word. 
It shouldn't be an insult. 
It shouldn't be a connotation to ugly. 
Fat does not mean you are a lesser human being.

I sat staring at my laptop after watching her video and my mouth was very literally hanging open. I wanted to comment on the video asking what she would think of me at the gym. Yes, I'm not big, but I'm extremely out of shape. Like, can't even make it through a two minute song at the bar dancing without sweating and losing my breathe out of shape. Imagine me at the gym trying to WALK on the treadmill, never mind running? But oh wait, you can't comment on Nicole's video. She disabled the comments. Convenient.

Nicole, here is a little PSA for you: You are a human being, too. (Well, maybe not but let's just go with what seems to be true here). As a public figure, you have been on the receiving-end of hate comments. People on the internet can be ruthless when they are behind a keyboard and a fake avi. Yet you become one of those ruthless people but your face right out there and tried to call it satire. You know that we are all just trying to get by every minute of the day without having someone make us feel like shit, or without seeing something on the web that makes us feel like shit. We are living in the social media world where filters and photoshop are the new beauty norm. There is nothing wrong with any of that. You don't see me sitting here talking about girls who wear loads of makeup are a bunch of phonies. Yet you thought it would be OK to make a video shaming fat people. I'm not considered "fat" by doctors, yet I am probably THE most out of shape human you could meet. Wanna hear a fun fact? Half the reason I quit my restaurant job is because one of my managers bullied me because I had no upper-body strength to carry a full tray of food. Yup. But would Nicole ever say something about that in her video? No. Because I'm not considered fat. And that's a problem.

We all struggle. It doesn't matter our shape or size or color of our skin, we struggle. Because we are human. We all have something we are ashamed of about our bodies. Society has brainwashed us into believing skinny is beautiful and fat is ugly. Being skinny doesn't mean your the next Ninja Warrior. Being fat doesn't mean you're going to have a heart attack in the middle of work. We are all fucking beautiful. We are all allowed to wear whatever god damn outfit we want. It doesn't matter if we are skinny shits and want to wear a tiny, string bikini, but the minute a bigger person wants to wear that same string bikini she becomes the center of people's conversations, stares, and photographs.

WHY? WHY. WHY. WHY.
You are putting another human being on display like she is in a zoo. Not a museum to be admired, but a zoo where she is pitied like an animal.

It's 2015, people. I cannot comprehend the fact that some humans still have not grasped the fact that we are all on this Earth together and we are all just trying to make it by and make a living and find our own happiness. We are making it difficult for people to find peace with their bodies because we have let society brainwash our minds. It shouldn't matter if we are fat or skinny or toned or flabby. We should be there to support one another. To want to see each other achieve our goals. Life shouldn't be about competition, but about harmony among one another. Life will be a hell of a lot more peaceful if we just got over ourselves and realized that the materialistic things in life shouldn't matter even a little bit. It's about our souls, our hearts, and what we want to offer to our neighbors.

Dear Nicole Arbour: You may have gotten your fifteen minutes of fame and your video may have reached five million views, but you also showed the world how ignorance leads you absolutely nowhere. The amount of response videos from YouTubers that I admire and watch made me feel much better about my reaction to your video. I hope you learn from your mistakes and realize that you have extreme potential to be a comedian, but tearing down other humans is not the way to do it.

Be nice to people.

Edit:
I forgot to put Grace's video in this, because she was a HUGE reason why I even posted this in the first place. She words the way in which I felt after I watched the video the first time PERFECTLY. Grace is also like me and doesn't talk much about extremely personal matters and I just feel as though Grace did an amazing thing for posting this video. So please, please also watch this.