The last time I posted something on my blog was almost two months ago. I am incredible at keeping up with New Years Resolutions, I know.
To be honest I had no idea when I was going to post next. My lack of posting got to the point where it was almost time to add this blog to the many other profiles I had put effort into that ended up in the internet graveyard that is forgotten blogs. However, a conversation with one of my professors Monday got me rethinking about abandoning this blog for good.
I began to think about this blog when my professor, Dr. Crowley, had given us a writing assessment over the weekend for homework. Write what you got out of a selected reading as practice for our first exam for ten minutes. Easy, quick, won't be too hard. Riiiiight. I read the paragraph, set a timer on my phone, and then stared at my notebook. And stared. Stared some more. And wrote, at most, four sentences. When he asked us to share what we had written I burst out laughing in class and begged him not to call on me. I honestly thought that he was going to be angry, make me read my horrible response and then use it as an example of what NOT to do. Instead he told me he admired my honesty, then followed by asking the class this question:
"Was it writers block, or did you not understand the reading?"
I was upset and frustrated that something such as writing out my understanding towards a reading had become so difficult, especially because I was always decent at explicating poetry in high school, and had mostly gotten As before when I was in school. Now I had written literal crap and was ashamed of my writing. This had never happened to me before. I told him I believed it was most likely because I was rusty from the two years I was not in school and that I had some serious writer's block.
And what was Dr. Crowley's response?
He laughed. And told me writer's block is not real.
I faltered, not going to lie. I almost rolled my eyes and disagreed. He asked if any of us had felt "writers block" (He even used hand quotations) before, and when. I admitted I was pretty failed blogger, and again he laughed. He then said he had some advice that we all, as English majors, need to remember:
Writer's block is not real. When you feel like you have nothing to write about, it's either because you know too little... Or know too much.
I sat there and thought about this blog. And how in almost all my posts I have talked about where I wanted to go with my writing, what I wanted to write about, who I wanted my audience to be. I then realized that my "writers block" wasn't actually a block in itself, it was the fact that I have so much to say, so many feelings and not enough self confidence.
It was then, sitting in this Renaissance Literature class, that I officially decided to stop giving a shit what people say about this blog for good. Who cares if someone has something negative to say about "putting my life out there", or talking about things some people consider "personal"? I haven't gotten to that point yet in this blog, but I hope someday I will. Why should I not post about my favorite TV shows, or when I'm having a bad day and want to hopefully help someone else, or talk current events going on our world? Because a handful of people may disagree with me? Honestly, I hope someone does disagree with me. To me that means people are reading my blog. And people are caring enough about my writing to dislike it. Dislike may be negative, but it is still a feeling on my writing.
I changed my Major Concentration to Writing because I absolutely love it, and it is what I want to do with the rest of my life. I want to make money off my writing one way or another. And even if I don't make lots of money (Or money at all), I want to be remembered for something that I wrote. I would love to know that I helped someone, entertained someone, just made someone feel something because of my writing.
So as an introduction
When someone gives you advice, take it. Whether you asked for the advice or not, it will probably help you in the long run. Most of the time when someone is handing you any sort of advice it's because they care about you and are looking out for you. Don't get offended or upset. Take it as a compliment, think about what that person is trying to tell you, and run with it.
Thank you, Dr. Crowley. For inadvertently inspiring me to start blogging again. I may still be shy about what I post on this blog, I am trying to get to the point where I am no longer embarrassed about what I write about, what inspires me, and what I find enjoyable. This is me, this is what gives me joy. It's time to do what I love and not care that someone may disagree with MY feelings.
Take it or leave it, but I am happy with my decisions. I hope you are happy with your own.
