On Love.

I know I'm only twenty-three but throughout these short years I've learned some valuable life lessons; many of them stemming from the relationships I've been in... I met my first boyfriend my freshmen year of high school; but we don't talk about him or anything about that relationship. I dated my childhood best friend throughout the tail end of high school. And then I lucked out at meeting Ryan when I was eighteen in my first year of college. My past boyfriends, while trying to be being polite, have been quite the cast of characters. Every relationship is different and every person you give a piece of your heart to is going to treat you differently, whether that is a good thing or not. Even with friendships -- you will have the friend who expects everything of you while also having the friend you only talk to every six months, but both of them still hold the same amount of importance in your life.

I have a few friends who are going through a hard time right now with their love life and it's extremely hard to tell someone in the middle of what seems to be the worst pain of their life that it does get better. Coming from someone who has loved fiercely and lost profoundly more than once, I know that love is amazing but it's also terrifying. Love, when you find the right person, is the most incredible thing you could share with somebody.

So this is for you, my friends, who feel as though love isn't worth it. Here are nine important lessons I have learned over the years that I truly believe you should always keep in mind.

1. The cliche that you must love yourself before loving anybody else is the truest thing in the whole world. You cannot give someone your heart fully if your mind is full of self-doubt. 
I used to laugh at this; I was always the girl throwing the pity party and begging for attention. I was convinced the universe was out to get me, and in return it reflected into my relationships. I picked fights because I would get easily angered over nothing, I would need to know constantly where he was or who he was with -- I had no confidence in myself so I was always concerned of him finding someone different. As I've gotten older I have come to accept myself for who I am. I am easily angered, I do have random strikes of anxiety, but it doesn't make me any less of a person. When you can love yourself and appreciate even the tiniest of flaws in yourself, you can accept the flaws in your partner.

2. You cannot, cannot fix someone.
Yes, nobody is perfect. We all have those "quirks" others will not like. However, sometimes people are so insecure in themselves that they must destroy everyone around them. I tried for an extremely long time in both of my previous relationships to fix them; to shine light on their insecurities. Not to lessen their self worth but to show them that in order to give all of their heart to someone else they must be able to overcome their own demons. This goes back to number one: You cannot fix someone, they must fix themselves. If you're struggling, whether it's a mental battle, or a physical battle -- get help. There's nothing wrong with that. And if someone tells you to get help, they aren't belting you; it's because they care.

3. It's OK to leave if you aren't happy. It's especially OK to leave if you aren't safe.
Sometimes people won't see exactly why you're leaving, but it's OK to be selfish and end a relationship if you are no longer happy. Your happiness is just that -- YOURS. There's a catch to this though: Don't go out looking for a replacement while you're still in a relationship. If you are not happy do not lead somebody on... I've been in that position and it hurts more in the long run knowing that your relationship was full of empty words and empty promises for months than if it just... ends. Here's probably the most important thing I'm going to say this entire post: If you are in any sort of abusive relationship, it is OK to leave. You will be safe. You didn't deserve any of that to happen to you. You didn't ask for it. You are not going to be looked down upon for staying. But it is ABSOLUTELY ALRIGHT to get out. Abusers don't need you to help them get better. They need to be able to do it on their own. My very first relationship I still don't talk about very much. I was fourteen, I was convinced I was in love. I thought love meant my boyfriend following me home, or having his friends follow me home. I thought it meant I had to let him know every little thing I was doing. Him picking out my clothes was cute. Picking him to hang out with over every one of my friends was being in love. He only hit me a few times, but it happens... Right? I cannot stress this enough: Your safety will always, always come first. If they threaten to kill themselves -- they probably won't. It's a scare tactic; one that kept in a relationship years longer than I wanted to be. Do not let somebody else's misery become yours; do not let them someone make you feel worthless.

4. Love should be about sharing happiness, sharing moments, and becoming better people together. Love is not about one person being completely dominant while the other withers into nothingness.
One of the biggest things that happens while we are in love is we tend to lose ourselves. We become so consumed in the people we love that sometimes we make sacrifices in our own, separate lives to please our partners -- this is not alright. It's one thing to experience new things and have new interests when we meet someone, that is normal. I would never have known I enjoyed music if it wasn't for an ex, or realized I actually enjoyed being in the wilderness if it wasn't for Ryan. But I still have my own thoughts, my own feelings; there are things Ryan and I disagree on. Before, I decided that being miserable and wanting to live with my boyfriend at fifteen was a great idea; I believed in God; I thought Obama was a bad president... All things my boyfriend's had convinced me to believe in because they wanted a girlfriend who molded their idea of the "perfect girl". They did not accept me for who I was, for my own interests, my own opinions. I was not my own person. I couldn't have my own thoughts; hell, I couldn't even have my own feelings without being chastised for them. Do not lose sight of what you believe in for somebody else. You can learn new things about yourself without having to give up your own hobbies, feelings, or beliefs.

5. Not every relationship needs to be the attempt at Happily Ever After. You need to live in the here and now. Planning out your entire future is going to result in disappointment -- every time.
It doesn't matter if you're 18, 25, 30, 50... You cannot look at someone you are dating and hoping they are the one. Not going to lie, I would love to look into a crystal ball and see who I marry, when I get married, and when; I mean who wouldn't? But here's the thing: You can't focus all of your attention on the future. It will absolutely ruin your relationship. Thinking of the far away future puts an absurd amount of pressure on a relationship; pressure that isn't needed along with the everyday worries of life. Another cliche: Just go with the flow. Don't worry about if the person you're with is your soulmate -- enjoy your time together and the memories you are making. And if you're still together fifty years from now, you have fifty years of memories together.

6. Every relationship has meaning in your life.
This was something that was incredibly hard for me to comprehend. It's especially hard to understand why you were with someone if it was an unhealthy relationship or if you were cheated on. Here's the thing: Everything does happen for a reason. You learn from absolutely everything in life, even when those life lessons seem unfair at the time. When you're in an unhealthy relationship, you look back on everything that you had dealt with and gone through and realize your own self worth. You begin to realize what you deserve and want in a partner. Honestly I don't think I would be as strong willed and determined to do amazing things in life if I hadn't been in the relationship I was in. Being constantly told you aren't good enough or not smart enough to achieve your dreams by someone you are in love with is a hard pill to swallow, but years later I realize those words no longer hold me back but push me forward to achieve what is considered impossible.

7. Moving on is acceptable, especially because it is totally possible to be in love more than once.
I will fully admit as much as my last relationship was a little wanky, I was very in love with my ex. We were together during the "big" moments of your teenage years: proms, graduations, starting college. We were together during the years where you really begin to learn who you are as a person and what you want to make of your future... Which is why we didn't end up being together forever. My love for him is absolutely nothing in comparison to the love I have for Ryan now -- it almost makes me laugh that I even say I was "in love" before. But that's the thing: There are different types of love, and different ways to love. He was the high school love, where I'm glad I got to share my memories of graduation and high school summers with him, even if I wasn't always my happiest. Ryan is someone I see myself moving in with and spending (hopefully) the rest of my life with. I was young and still learning when I was with my ex; now I know what I want to do with my life and who I want by my side through all of my trials and tribulations. You may have thought that someone was your forever and it didn't work out. But it's OK to move on and be happy with somebody else. It's perfectly normal to always hope for the best for someone you shared time with, but making yourself happy should be your top priority.

8. Love should be easy, and love should be motivating.
When you find your person, working at your relationship will be extremely easy. Obviously there will be fighting matches, nights one of you sleeps on the couch, days where you want nothing to do with each other... But at the end of the day you fall back into each other like the fighting was nonexistent. Relationship always need work but you will know when you find the one. You won't think of your ex anymore, you won't wish your past was your present, you find yourself thinking of your significant other in the busiest of moments... Love shouldn't be a battle, it shouldn't be one sided, and it absolutely should make you see the beautiful things in absolutely everything. Love should motivate you to make other people around you -- when you have found true, indescribable love you become one of those people who start to get annoying when they talk about their relationship (I can be one of these people sometimes, sorry!). You know, the people who find the good in the crappy situations, who try to play matchmaker with their single friends, who start to see the warning signs in their friends current relationships. When you find the right person you start to become your true self.

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“Love is not a because, it's a no matter what.” 

Jodi Picoult, Second Glance

Never Settle.

I had a professor last semester who told me to never settle; advice given after spilling my innermost fear of the fact that I will more than likely never have the dream job I desire to her. She told me she never saw herself as a college professor because of her early years as an undergrad where she didn't know who she was or what she wanted out of life. A feeling every person in their 20's (at least) feels. I've had multiple customers at my job who are many years into their careers tell me to do what I love because I will never regret waking up in the morning thinking of all the days of my job I have ahead of me.

I've talked about this before but I'll say it again: Knowing what you want out of life, regardless how big or small, is a liberating feeling. There is nothing more terrifying than not knowing what you want out of your life; it feels like an identity crisis. I was in school for teaching, then almost took a swing at nursing (Where my lack of math skills probably would've killed someone honestly), to thinking of early education, to finally letting go of the idea of making tons of money and settling finalizing on a writing major. 

Settling.

That's what I used to say. But why should we "settle" on a major? If it was something I could see myself doing for the rest of my life I should be saying I'm excited, passionate and proud of what I decided to spend thousands of dollars on for a degree that will map out my future career path. Settling was how I felt at first -- I had always been a gifted writer even if I didn't feel that way but many of my teachers all throughout my schooling had told me so, as time went on I realized I was no longer settling on a career but was truly excited and proud to talk about what I wanted to do with my life.

Settling.

It can be our careers. We go for what brings in the money as we chose to ignore our true passions. We push aside happiness for the large checks. We drag our feet to work everyday watching the clock tick closer to punching out and landing on our couches. It can be love. We stay with people that we convince ourselves we love because it's comfortable. Even if we know the relationship isn't going to last. Again, we push aside happiness for what we understand because the unknown is terrifying. It can be our health. We know we need to fix our mentality, or even our physicality, but don't. We just settle towards the idea "it is what it is" because the effort doesn't seem worth it.

Trust me. It is never worth it to settle for anything less than what our innermost conscious tells us. Don't ignore the tugging at your heart telling you to go after what you absolute desire. 

I was afraid from the minute I graduated high school and went to my first college class to major in writing. I had people tell me "You don't need a degree to tell you that you're an excellent writer." I never once thought I could make a living off of my writing up until a year ago when I realized all my life all I've ever wanted to do was write. When I sit back and think about what I see myself doing in ten years, it's exactly this. It's obsessing over my blogging notebook, writing new ideas down on pieces of napkins at the bar, writing a spur of the moment post like this one. It's finding inspiration in the tiniest things going on in the world around me and no longer feeling ashamed of putting my writing out there.

Don't settle on anything just because you are afraid to take risks. If you tried and failed, you actually succeeded. At the end of the day, the biggest risk you take could turn your entire life around. It did for me.

I'll also leave you with a fun fact: My very first college class at Massasoit was Writing Comprehension.

A Blistery Day and a Random Post.

I gotta say as much as I'm not at all a morning person, being able to work an eight hour shift and clock out of work by noontime is really wonderful. Plus I get the chance to be pretty lazy the rest of the day while also getting a ton of stuff done (As in, put away a stupid amount of laundry and finish organizing my bedroom that has been neglected for far too long...) And to top it all off I left work in the middle of a normal day in the life of a New Englander: It was snowing as I watched the sun peak out from behind the clouds.

I decided that I need to stop spending so much time pinning "How to Make Money With Your Blog" pins and you know... Write on my blog. So here I am, writing for no reason whatsoever except to, you got it, WRITE!

I bought a really nice pink notebook at Target on Tuesday that I am dedicating to being my Blog Book! Whenever I'm out and about, or sitting at home and inspiration strikes, I am going to outline my thoughts into a (hopefully) interesting post! I'm not much of a planner when it comes to posting on here as you can probably tell by my sporadic posting. I figured having an obnoxious and bright notebook compared to the black notebook I used to have would be helpful in this!

(Hope you enjoy my awkward handwriting)

Since I was out of work and home by 12:30 I was trying to make folding laundry less dreadful by thinking of my blog and my brandy new Blog Book. I am a true believer in outlining and thinking ahead when it comes to writing anything -- I'm just not that good at taking my own advice. So there's a New Years Resolution: ORGANIZE FIRST.

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One of the things that I wrote in my Blog Book is what do I want out of this blog? I know I've said it before and some people probably just read this blog to be nosy and could care less where I'm taking my blog, but I want to have some sort of idea what I'll be posting, and when. Almost like theme days!

I haven't really decided exactly what I'm doing in regards to posting certain criteria on certain days. However I do know I want to post just about anything at this point. I need to stop being so afraid of what people are going to say about me, or think about this blog. If I want to do a food, book, movie, TV show review I'm gonna do it! If I feel like taking some nice mirror/self-timer selfies for an #ootd post then you're gonna see my clothes! Do I want to talk politics, religion or the topics that society seems to deem "Unmentionable"? Definitely someday, because I have big thoughts that are not filtered because of my big mouth. I'm going to post absolutely anything and everything; whatever me, the writer, damn pleases. I'm being repetitive from earlier posts; I just needed to remind myself that by running this blog I'm working towards my dreams and that's all that should matter :)

I am SO guilty of sitting on Pinterest (Reoccurring themes this post, I know!) and looking at quotes and books and motivational speeches. I happened to notice this particular post right up front on the "Popular" page not too long ago and immediately fell in love. Admittedly I had no idea what works this quote came from, or if it was a misquote or what have you at first. I decided if it was in any of Fitzgerald's novels I was going to read it immediately. And from what I found was that it was a quote from the screenplay of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Hey, I still instagramed it. No shame.

I fell in love with the idea of this quote. It doesn't matter if you're fresh out of high school looking to recreate how your peer perceive you as you venture into college life, or just graduated from college, or found a job, whatever, and you realize you aren't happy with yourself. Find what makes your heart race with excitement and anticipation. Think about what you find your mind wandering to in the middle of the night when you're tossing and turning, overthinking about the job you are going to sign your life away to working day after day. And if you find a job and realize it isn't as rewarding as you first believed it to be: QUIT. Move on. Find your niche. Let yourself be happy at your job. Let yourself be happy in general. Don't work your life away just to get that paycheck to make your bills. Find something that makes you happy. Find something where on Monday mornings you are jumping out of bed at the thought of your job. Life is too damn short to waste away inside a building you dread seeing. Be courageous, be selfish. It won't kill you, I promise.

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Here I am at the tail end of another seemingly pointless post. I feel better than I wrote SOMETHING, even if it seems as though I'm just talking to my computer screen and writing down whatever comes into my brain. I'm still working on organizing and pre-planning my posts, guys! I only bought my notebook three days ago! (........) 

Do I have any advice for the masses, or another Pinterest-discovered quote? If you guessed yes to both, then you win!

My advice? Do what you love. Do not ever be ashamed of chasing after your dreams no matter how utterly insane they may seem right now. There are going to be bumps in the road. There will be people who tell you that your dreams are stupid, or unreachable, and people who will try to make you feel inferior. People will laugh at you. And you know what? Fuck them. *insert peace emoji*

Now I bid you farewell with a collage of some of my favorite Words I have found on my (never-ending) Pinning journey:

Find me on Pinterest :) I also repin way too many food and drink recipes.

xoxo